“Lovers are like roses-best by the dozen.” -Barbara La Marr
The articles I post are my original versions. Below there is link to the Student Printz online issue.
Pillow Talk: Polyamory: A build-your-own-love kit
Polyamory: A Build-Your-Own-Love Kit
By Glory Fink
The winds of change are blowing, my darlings. Already our country is preparing for the 2008 Presidential Campaign, China’s stock exchange is affecting Wall Street and North Korea has agreed to neuter their nuclear program in exchange for banking privileges and food.
On a more local level the face of suburbia is changing. More couples than ever are concluding that monogamy doesn’t work for them and they are doing something about it. No, they aren’t getting divorced. In fact, Mom and Dad are getting a new girlfriend or boyfriend. Now, Mom, Dad and girlfriend/boyfriend are called polyamorous.
Polyamory is a new word to identify a type of romantic relationship older than marriage itself. Polyamory is best described as “loving more than one”. You may have heard of polygamy, which is a marriage involving one husband and multiple wives. Or even polyandry, a marriage with one wife and multiple husbands. HBO’s “Big Love” and Will Smith and Jada Pinkett’s open relationship aside, polyamory is not tied to marriage or even restricted to male or female dominated relationships.
Polyamory is not swinging, where committed couples simply engage in recreational sex with other committed couples. Nor is polyamory cheating. To cheat, someone must break the agreed upon rules of a relationship. In a polyamorous relationship everyone in the relationship not only knows about everyone else but also agrees to everyone’s involvement and the rules of the relationship. Completely open and honest communication is the key to a successful relationship no matter if it is a polyamorous or monogamous one.
Perhaps the idea of this relationship is not new to you. You may have already fantasized about being in a loving relationship where you weren’t forced to choose between two wonderful people and jealousy wasn’t the name of the game. Since Victorian times monogamy was held up not only as an ideal but as a moral imperative. The civilized world believed that a person only had a limited amount of love to give and so he or she should give all of that love to one person.
This view is similar to money in your wallet. You only have so much money and you can’t give more than a specific amount. But love is not analogous to money. Any mother with several children will tell you that she didn’t have to divide her love between her children but rather as her family grew so did her supply of love she had to give. Polyamory contends that romantic love is similar and that the heart, mind and soul can adequately love more than one person at a time.
“Let’s say all your life, for breakfast, you’re eating from a Kellogg’s variety pack. And then you don’t get the variety pack. You pick one. Your favorite one. And you just get that one from then on. Every day, for the rest of your life, the same cereal. And then you wake up one morning, and you’re just not hungry anymore,” said the character Ed in the movie “City Slickers”.
Well Ed, polyamory says you don’t have to buy just one cereal for the rest of your life. You can even buy the full size boxes of your favorite cereals and keep them in the house together. No longer will the box of Fruit Loops wonder if you’re secretly buying boxes of Apple Jacks on the side. Now, Fruit Loops and Apple Jacks can live in harmony in the same kitchen secure in the knowledge of your love. But how will they react when you explain that you recently realized your love for Honey Smacks, also?
Polyamory isn’t for everyone. Some people simply need to feel like a one-and-only to someone else. But monogamy isn’t for everyone, either. Sharing your life and love with more than one person at a time is possible but go slow and make sure in your heart of hearts that this is right for you and your loved ones. If you are not true to your self in a relationship then it is not a true relationship.
Links and literature suggestions about polyamory can be found at AskGlory.Com. Your feedback and article ideas are always appreciated. Email us at printz @ usm.edu or Glory directly at glory @ askglory.com.
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