Happy Labor Day!

I am grateful to the Labor Movement for the Monday to Friday work week, eight hour work days (although I’m personally pushing for a 6 hr work day ) and the overall improvement of work conditions.

America is a wonderful country; I dare suggest she’s the best nation in the world to be a part of. But not that long ago even our beautiful country allowed some very unattractive standards.

These days if a rumor arises that a factory boss is not allowing the employees to leave until a big quota is met, the police (and news crews) would hustle over there without hesitation. 150 years ago holding workers hostage without food or breaks for the sake of production quotas was common place.

By the end of the 19^th century workers who had moved to the cities from the farms in search of a better opportunity to achieve “The American Dream” realized that any chance at a dream was next to impossible working as de facto indentured servants. For the workers of The Industrial Revolution 12 hour shift work in airless factories filled with polluted air often stretched into 18+ hour shifts with few if any breaks. Sleep deprivation and a lack of adequate oversight by factory foremen and managers often resulted in injury or death for the workers manning the machines.

Labor Day has come a long way from its roots in the mid 19^th century. We no longer have to contend with outbreaks of rioting because that month too many workers died while working for near slave wages in an unsafe factory. Gone are the stories and pictures of overworked children crippled while tending to textile machines. These days, the biggest concern I hear about in reference to Labor Day is whether the weather’s going to cooperate and how to prevent the potato salad from spoiling.

During your much deserved celebrations I hope you are also able to honor those “who from rude nature have delved and carved all the grandeur we behold,” as Peter J. McGuire, the general secretary of the Brotherhood of Carpenters and Joiners and a cofounder of the American Federation of Labor hoped.

Honor all the hard work that Americans before you have strived for this Labor Day by relaxing with your family and friends while enjoying today’s sunset.

With a cold drink in my hand,

Glory

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The Many Repurposings of Tampons

By Glory Fink

I learned from a good friend while at boarding school that those phone book thick maxi pads are ideal for writing holiday greetings onto. What with the fabulous adhesive on the back of the pads you just draw on the pads, slap them on the outside of your dorm room door and Voila! Holiday decorating is done, now on to studying for mid-terms.

As a wide eyed young maiden wandering through the rice fields of The Philippines I learned that all mercenaries worth their liquor carry tampons in their emergency case. It seems that the ultra absorbent cotton rods are ideal for stoppering bullet hole wounds when you’re too many clicks away from the nearest safe house/band aid station.

I’m a dyed in the wool Girl Scout. I believe that everything can be repurposed and often should be. I am all about making the best with what you have on hand. I have made my own camp oven and let me tell you, the biscuits baked in it were delicious!

Nevertheless, my initial reaction to Tampon Crafts was, “Ewwwww!” After that I was moved by morbid curiosity and had to click through in order to view the train wreck that surely had to be the crafting of tampons.

I’m not going to try to prejudice you with my own thoughts about this site. But I will say that some of these crafts were not invented by a single, unassisted female mind. No, there were men folk involved. You don’t get a sophisticated tampon blow gun utilizing several different brands of Tampons and PVC piping without men cheering the creativity on. There’s even instructions for a tampon bandolier!

Browsing the site, I do wonder how our civilization would be altered if we were able to harness such creative brain power for solving pressing issues such as wide spread hunger, unsafe drinking water and how to get Paula Abdul to meet with Dr. Drew for a “Coming to Jesus” intervention.

Comments and suggestions are always appreciated. Send your emails to glory at askglory.com with “Attention: Glory” in the subject line.

About the Author:

Glory Fink is a writer, a purveyor of euphemistically romantic materials, a photographer, a licensed educator, a wannabe dilettante, a mystery wrapped in an enigma covered in cashmere. She can be found playing with Schrödinger’s cat, traipsing through the back roads of the Mississippi Delta or concocting experiments in her lab/kitchen. Glory does not suffer fools gladly but will gladly suffer endless tours at the Ben & Jerry’s ice cream factory as long as the samples keep coming. She does her best writing in her pajamas and her best sleeping out of them. Glory’s cat is suspicious, her dog obliging and her friends humored by her many antics and efforts to become in reality what she is in her dreams.

Glory can be found living it up in Hattiesburg, Mississippi in a quaint (read: run down) house in a newly historic district but still less reputable side of town with her miniature dachshund and one cat who isn’t. The outside cat came with the house; he is not a pet as much as a ninja. Please feel free to email or call on Glory any time, her life could do with a few more interesting people.

Copyright © 2009, Glory Fink

For information about this work, please contact the author at the address set forth below. Permission is hereby granted to reproduce and distribute copies of this work for nonprofit educational purposes, provided that copies are distributed at or below cost, and that the author, source, and copyright notice are included on each copy. This permission is in addition to rights of reproduction granted under Sections 107, 108, and other provisions of the U.S. Copyright Act. Before making any distribution of this work, please contact Glory Fink to ascertain whether you have the current version. Permission inquiries can be made to Glory Fink at copyright@askglory.com.

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Today, we mourn the loss of Lil’ Sucka. He is survived by Smalls, Meth-O (formally Methosaurus) and The Corey Posse. Lil’ Sucka’s parting was preceded by the tragic loss of Clyde Frog a year ago and Biggie, whose presence is still felt two years after his passing. Lil’ Sucka’s family asks that in lieu of condolence flowers to please donate fish food and aquarium plants to your local fish recue organization.

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Happiness is a State of Mind

By Glory Fink

My Uncle Ike explained to me several years ago, everyone gets hurt in their day to day life but it’s our decision whether we hold onto that hurt and make a place for it on our heart or whether we let it go and let it stop affecting us.

A while ago I realized that happiness is a state of mind that has little to do with what’s going on in the outside world. You either decide to find happiness even in the face of adversity (and eventually everyone must face some kind of adversity) or you allow the hurt and injustices of the world to take away your happiness. It’s that simple.

You can either cling to your happiness or you can cling to your hurt. The problem with holding onto hurt is that while you are in that state of pain you cannot grow and develop as a person. You are stuck. In pain, your world will just continue to get smaller and smaller until there is nothing left of you but a caricature of your original personality and of course all the hurt and injustice ever done to you. To me that sounds like Hell on Earth. 

As you continue to hold onto your happiness your world will continue to grow as it accommodates more and more people who are also finding and holding onto their happiness. As like begets like so you will, too. As you move to the blessed and grateful you will attract those like you and others who need support making the shift over to positive living. Through the security and support of your happiness and the people who populate your ever expanding world you will find yourself naturally refining and polishing your strengths and virtues while improving on your weaknesses and flaws.

Most of your improvements will evolve so effortlessly that by the time you reflect on who you were a few years ago you may be surprised by how much you have improved in aspects of your life that before you struggled with all the time but never seemed to ever make any progress in. This sounds like Paradise on Earth to me. Yes Virginia, sometimes Life really is that simple. You just have to hold out your hand in openness and love and let the rest take its course.

At my core I believe that we are all intricately connected in The Universe. We are all parts that together compose The Universe. And The Universe is a force as much as it is a thing. Wouldn’t you rather be happy than be hurt all the time? So would the rest of The Universe. Every time someone makes a decision to move forward, let go of the past with all its hurt and pain and instead relish the present and the joyful, it affects the rest of this great interconnectedness called The Universe. So it makes sense that with your decision to hold onto what is good and beautiful in your life and to let go of what causes you misery and heartache The Universe will open pathways for you to continue to grow, develop and be joyful.

About the Author:

Glory Fink is a writer, a housewife, a purveyor of euphemistically romantic materials, a photographer, a mystery wrapped in an enigma covered in cashmere. She can be found playing with Schrödinger’s cat, traipsing through the back roads of the Mississippi Delta or concocting experiments in her lab/kitchen. Glory does not suffer fools gladly but will gladly suffer endless tours at the Ben & Jerry’s ice cream factory as long as the samples keep coming. She does her best writing in her pajamas and her best sleeping out of them. Glory’s cat is suspicious, her dog obliging and her husband humored by her many antics and efforts to become in reality what she is in her dreams.

Glory can be found living the high life in Hattiesburg, Mississippi in a quaint (read: run down) house in a newly historic district but still less reputable side of town with her husband/best friend, a miniature dachshund,  and one cat who isn’t. And various cats that came with the house; they are not pets as much as ninjas. Please feel free to email or call on Glory any time, her life could do with a few more interesting people.

Copyright © 2009, Glory Fink

For information about this work, please contact the author at the address set forth below. Permission is hereby granted to reproduce and distribute copies of this work for nonprofit educational purposes, provided that copies are distributed at or below cost, and that the author, source, and copyright notice are included on each copy. This permission is in addition to rights of reproduction granted under Sections 107, 108, and other provisions of the U.S. Copyright Act. Before making any distribution of this work, please contact Glory Fink to ascertain whether you have the current version. Permission inquiries can be made to Glory Fink at askglory@askglory.com.

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This article is also available on Ask E. Jean’s FANTASTIC website under the Top Campus Columnists section.

ASK GLORY: All New Dork-Be-Gone in Stores NOW!

All New Dork-Be-Gone in Stores NOW!

By Glory Fink

Dear Glory

I’m a nice girl who goes to a good college and I make decent grades. All my friends tell me how cute, outgoing and pretty I am. So why do only dorks and losers ever ask me out? My parents keep asking me when I’m going to bring home a nice boy but I don’t think there are any left!

Befuddled,

Glory’s mother Lynn at age 19

Detroit, Michigan

Dear Glory’s mother Lynn at age 19,

Since I know you and what you’ll do with the next several decades of your life (including giving birth to me), my advice is to simply embrace who you are and your life choices and try to learn something from the failures. BTW, you really are cute and outgoing so, your friends are telling you the truth. Oh, and buy your eldest daughter a Nintendo when she’s eight years old.

With love (and laughs),

Glory

However, if I didn’t know you my advice would go something like this:

First, I would like to offer a clarification concerning the descriptors of dorks and losers. A loser is someone who is a mooch, a bum, a person who does not in any way contribute to society. A dork, on the other hand, is a person who is so socially inept as to cause those around him or her to question the person’s mental health. Dorks also experience difficulty contributing to society but are able to maintain menial jobs so they can afford to pay for their World of War Crack or Manga addiction.

The reason only dorks and losers ever ask you out is because of at least one if not several of these actions you are constantly doing.

You are nice and pleasant to dorks and losers and so they take that kindness as an interest in a relationship. There is being kind and then there is being too kind to the point of getting labeled a pushover or a soft touch. Say no thank you and mean it! You have not been appointed mother/sister to the world’s down and out. Try to be friendly with people in general but only be friends with people you genuinely enjoy.

You are giving these undesirables a positive vibe while giving ideal candidates a negative vibe. Are you unconsciously giving the cold shoulder to nice people while being all warm and friendly to users and losers? OMG, stop! Negative people don’t deserve your nice, warm sweetie of a self. But equally sweet, kind people do. You’re going to have to make a conscious decision every morning to reverse this self-destructive behavior. It’s going to be hard but I know you are more than capable of doing this.

You only know and associate with dorks and losers. Go find some nice people to hang out around and ditch those who don’t help you enjoy life. Seriously, it is time to shake off the negative influences in your life and embrace the wonderful, refreshing and positive.

You are waiting for prince(ss) charming to ask you out. Life is short, why wait? Go ask that uber wonderful guy or gal and see what happens. Word from the wise, if you feel desperate inside for this person to accept you then you will act desperate. Do what you need to do to not feel desperate. Give yourself a good pep talk about how you’re a nice person to hang out with and all you want to do is get to know this person better, anyway. If it still doesn’t work just tell yourself, “F*ck them! They’re missing out on making a good friend, anyway” and just walk away like the cool frood you were born to be.

If you’re really stressing, may be you should take a break from dating for a while. Some time off will allow you to emotionally grow and expand your circle of friends and acquaintances. In a nutshell, just chill out.

We all go through weird phases and no one is immune to it. Have you seen the comedian Carrot Top, lately? I’m not sure what he’s dealing with but apparently it involves obscenely large biceps and orange, curly “love trails.” No one is immune.

In my darkest hours, I have been known to quote Tom Cruise in “Jerry McGuire” waaaaay too much. Specifically the comment about, “You see this jacket I’m wearing, you like it? Because I don’t really need it. Because I’m CLOAKED in failure!” Everyone goes through tough times. You are not alone, my darlings.

About the Author:

Glory Fink is a writer, a housewife, a semi-permanent college student, a mystery wrapped in an enigma covered in cashmere. She can be found playing with Shrodinger’s cat, traipsing through the back roads of the Mississippi Delta or concocting experiments in her lab/kitchen. Glory does not suffer fools gladly but will gladly suffer endless tours at the Ben & Jerry’s ice cream factory as long as the samples keep coming. She does her best writing in her pajamas and her best sleeping out of them. Glory’s cat is suspicious, her dog obliging and her husband humored by her many antics and efforts to become in reality what she is in her dreams.

Glory can be found living it up in Hattiesburg, Mississippi in a quaint (read: run down) house in a newly historic district but still less reputable side of town with her husband/best friend, a miniature dachshund, and one cat who isn’t. The two outside cats came with the house; they are not pets as much as ninjas. Please feel free to email or call on Glory any time, her life could do with a few more interesting people.

Copyright © 2008, Glory Fink

For information about this work, please contact the author at the address set forth below. Permission is hereby granted to reproduce and distribute copies of this work for nonprofit educational purposes, provided that copies are distributed at or below cost, and that the author, source, and copyright notice are included on each copy. This permission is in addition to rights of reproduction granted under Sections 107, 108, and other provisions of the U.S. Copyright Act. Before making any distribution of this work, please contact Glory Fink to ascertain whether you have the current version. Permission inquiries can be made to Glory Fink at copyright@askglory.com.

 All New Dork-Be-Gone in Stores NOW! [10:25m]: Play in Popup | Download

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Oct. 3-16 Horoscopes
The Burger
By Glory Fink

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22) Beware of evil whisperers who whisper in men’s ears, Libra. If you hear rumors or gossip that outrages you, chances are you’re being setup. Check out the real facts before organizing that demonstration, my little revolutionary.

(Go to the website link to read the rest…)

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