Beware….
Comment?
Where is Glory?
Dear…Everyone,
Vegas is great, wish you were here.
I’m attending the International Lingerie Show this week in Las Vegas. I flew out of New Orleans right before Hurricane Ike hit and it looks like I’ll be flying back right after Ike has disipated. Nice timing. 
More soon to come. If you’re lucky I’ll have pictures….
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Glory Fink’s Guide to Life #6
Lesson #6 When in doubt throw chocolate at it.
When you find yourself between a rock and a hard place chocolate may not solve your problem but it’ll probably buy you enough time to think of a solution. Effective distraction that is also delicious can become your most treasured secret weapon.
Examples:
Argument with your spouse? Would you like a chocolate my dear.
Ridiculous miniature dachshund fell while chasing the cat and is now limping and therefore a visit to the vet? Don’t throw chocolate at the dog! Insert chocolate into your mouth and breathe deeply. Then throw an arthritis pill at the dog.
Professor insists on you attending ALL your classes if you want to pass the course? This problem is nothing a batch of triple chocolate brownies can’t smooth over!
Boss wants to know where your report is? Offer a bowl of chocolate and then excuse yourself out of the room and into a lunchtime martini.
Wife, girlfriend, mother, sister, friend is PMSing? Throw chocolate into the room and then run as if the Devil himself is at your heels!
Your mother would like to know when you are going to start graduate school? Oh, why look! There is a mysterious pint of Godiva Chocolate Ice Cream here. And a spoon, too!
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Glory’s Guide to Life Lesson #5
Lesson #5 Eternity is a long time to argue over who saw that toy first.
Your siblings are your life-long companions, as such treat them kindly.
Studies are now finding that siblings are the best predictors of future health. We used to think that if your father had a heart attack then you would be destined for one. Now scientists are finding that people don’t follow in the health footsteps of their parents as much as their brothers and sisters. This is because sibling health take both nature and nurture into account. You share the same genetics as your kid bother and your big sis while also learning the same health habits practiced in your family.
Here’s an interesting note, even if your family’s health isn’t so hot and your current health makes your internist shudder one of the surest ways to turn around the whole thing is for you and your siblings to all try to improve your health together. There is just something so convincing about Wendy-Sue looking at your across the table at Thanksgiving and saying, “Seriously Bob, just because you look like Grandpa Ed doesn’t mean you have to drown your food in gravy just like him” to help you rethink ingrained habits you have carried around since childhood.
BTW, physical health is one thing but mental health is another. Even if one or several of your brothers and sisters have a history of mental illness this doesn’t mean you’re going to the funny farm anytime soon. While a family history of depression should be taken seriously, it turns out that how you cope with stress is just as an important factor. Learning better coping strategies and then sharing them with your sibs may help you all out in the long run and eventually help your family close their open account at Bellevue’s Retreat for the Terminally Sad and Stark Raving Mad. Your brothers and sisters will probably know you longer than any other person on Earth so take an attitude of, “We’re in this together!” and maybe you’ll make it out alive…well, alive is too strong a word but you’ll probably go for the long haul!
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Glory Fink’s Guide to Life Lesson #4
Lesson #4 Friends are like bras, when you need them the most they’ll make you look your best but after a long day even the best can leave a pressure mark.
When times are rough go to your friends for support. When times are great, go to your friends to support them.
After your siblings and your parents, your closest friends are all you really have. The reason people say that you can judge someone’s character by his friends and his children is because in a positive, supportive friendship you will all help each other to grow and blossom. In a negative, twisted relationship all the friends end up slowly tearing each other down until there is nothing left but naked, throbbing wounded hearts. The job of a good friend is to fill in the companionship and support where family has left off. If that’s not happening are you really friends or merely acquaintances milling about together waiting for something else to happen?
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Glory Fink’s Guide to Life Lesson #3
Lesson #3 True Friends love you for who you are, not for what you can become or what you can do for them.
Friends, real friends love the very essence of you. They have seen you make an utter fool of your self and still look forward to seeing you again soon. People who are truly your friends do not want to change anything about you that would conceal the real you. That is not to say that they wouldn’t be relieved if you would quit wearing sweatshirts when you go out for a nice evening on the town. But in the end if they had to choose between someone else and you with your ratty old sweatshirt you win hands down.
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Glory Fink’s Guide to Life
Rule #2 Honor they mother and they father but a manure truck is still full of shit no matter who’s driving it.
Time and time again I meet men and women who think that everything their parents told them is the gospel truth. People, just because your mother told you to wear clean underwear before you go out doesn’t mean you must wear underwear all the time! One of Life’s best cheap thrills is going commando when it’s least expected. There is something so exhilarating about sitting in a meeting with your boss with the secret knowledge that there is less separating you from your seat than everyone assumes. This harmless little secret can keep you awake throughout even the most boring seminar on “The Safety Do’s and Don’t of Sticker Application”.
If bare bumming fails to keep the zing in your zagging day write a post it note, “In this building someone is not wearing any underwear. Guess who.” and leave the note stuck to the bathroom mirror. Knowing that dozens of people are sitting in their cubicles contemplating each other’s nakedness and thereby secret rebellion against Society’s Norms, also known as “The Man”, will keep you and your co-workers buzzing all day.
If you’ve done this several times, to avoid handwriting analysis, I suggest you get a friend to write the note for you that is destined for the busiest bathroom in your office and then transport it to work.
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